Like most stories, this one starts with a guy and a girl in love and as these sorts of stories go, in the end the boy is gone and the girl is left trying to figure it all out and start again. I met him when I was very young and impressionable and love/infatuation makes you do funny things, like care if the person has an opinion on how you dress or how in shape you are. At an age where I was still trying to learn who I was he was a good and bad influence. He opened my eyes to so many wonderful things but because of this his opinion became increasingly influential in my decisions. When I realized I was losing myself and putting off dreams I always had, I ended it.
That was over two years ago and since then I've been going back to my bucket list, re-writing some of it and completing other tasks. So I guess you can say I'm doing this all because of a guy... how cliche, I know! hahah But it's the opposite of what that usually means. I'm doing everything I always wanted to do but put off and especially those things that he told me I couldn't or "would dump me if I ever did"....like getting in really good shape, singing really loud in my car, and piercing my nose haha I know I knooowww! Sounds like I'm only trying to send him a big "F*** you!!" and maybe in some things I am...haha.... but in another, bigger way I feel like I was the person I am now for those six years and I've only just let her out into the world.
Now here I am crossing one more thing off my bucket list: drive cross country :) Most people that hear what I'm doing say I'm brave or some synonym and while I appreciate the sentiment it feels like too much. Soldiers and firefighters and parents are brave haha I'm leaving my friends behind for the summer and blowing money driving way too far and being very bored alone in my car hahah Then I started listening to TED talks this week and I heard one the other night that was talking about how vulnerability is necessary to connect with people. I learned that the word courage comes from the Latin word cor which means heart and by definition courage means to tell the story of who you are with your whole heart.
So I've decided that my "why" is courage. If you want to know why I'm doing this or that, the answer is always because it's the only way I know how to live and stay true to who I am. I'm a free spirit, I love change, get anxious if things stay the same for too long and I tend to be spontaneous in a big way. I lived so long with these self imposed restrictions and now instead of asking "why" I ask "why not??!!" and very rarely do I ever find a reason to not do something.
"If I don't get on that boat I know exactly what I'm going home to.
If I do, my future is unwritten"
No comments:
Post a Comment